Foolish.

Is it okay if I don’t know why I’m upset? I just completely shut down and not talking to everyone.

What does it makes me? A fool? Or crazy person?

It started yesterday. I went out with my sis and her bf. I wasn’t sure about what makes me feel so upset but it does. I just didn’t want to interact with anyone so I went to the bed and sleep. After I wake up, I feel better but I still feel like don’t want to talk with anyone.

It ended up with I went to bed at night without talking to my sister at all – even though she sleeps beside me.

Then this morning, I wake up and my sister and I still not talking. I guess she doesn’t want to talk to me aswell. Maybe I ruined her holiday and I’m so sorry about that. I promise myself that I will never go on holiday with her anymore. Why? Because I don’t trust myself to not making any scene like this anymore.

Anyway, it is just 11 am and I’m just thinking, actually doing alot of thinking.

Have you ever have any suicidal thoughts? I do.

But I’m so scared it will be hurt. And I’m so scared that it will be making a scene and it’ll gone bad. I’m so scared that it will hurt the people I know loves me (at least that’s what I think), my parents. I’m just sad that maybe it will hurt my mom and dad, especially my dad, and it kills me if I will ever hurt them intentionally.

I don’t care about other people’s feeling because I’m sure they didn’t care about me that much so they won’t hurt because of it.

Oh, don’t worry. This is not a suicidal notes. It’s just a thought and I’m so sure I’m not going to do any suicidal things.

I’m just too coward to do anything that will hurt me intentionally.

Have a great day,

I wish you have a very good day. Don’t let my writing or my bad mood ruin your day.

Xoxo.

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